Monday, February 11, 2008

Start again

I died. Then I lied there on the wooden old stage, keeping half an eye open towards the high darkness above, making sure that I collapsed just on the right spot, and that the falling curtain is not going to cut my head off, for real.
Then what felt like a hurricane of feeling stormed into me and when I stood up my eyes teared up. This was my good bye . Good bye Carmen. Good bye audience, (who began to clap steadily , in rhythm, louder and louder, yelling "Bravo" and standing up to cheer!). Wasn't that my vision at some point?

I couldn't sleep that night, last night. I was overwhelmed.
Now I am going to a new place, where I have never been before. Stepping out of the little plane, off my connecting flight to Valencia, somewhere in spain I guess, but I felt the essence of loneliness.
Even though I am in an airport, and therefore I should feel like I am nowhere specific in the world; The airport language is one and the people are too; still I can't help but feeling like I am on to a strange and unfamiliar adventure.
I asked the man at the bar for a "cafe con leche por favor" and hoped that he'd say I owed him something that stars with "Uno" or "Dos" so I can hand him out the correct amount of coins in numbers I can still understand. (just kidding, just kidding, of course I know how to count to 5 in spanish.. ;) )
Yes, here I am feeling like a five year old girl lost in a universe of a department store.
It is all up to me to survive until I find someone big, in charge; Until I become familiar with the people, the customs, with the language and with my new self in it all.


Anonymous Jeff said...

One step at a time.
Take a deep breath, find your hotel and get some rest. Put Carmen behind you, knowing she will be back in your life agin. You have almost a month before the performances start. You will meet and get to know the company, and they will love you. You certainly know that part, so it's not heavy lifting, and you will have time to get to know a new place in the world which those of with conventional jobs and no talent can only dream of doing.
Be well!

5:42 PM  
Blogger Singin'rin said...

gracias.. :) ... (wait, was that SPANISH I just spoke?!) :)

5:54 PM  
Blogger Singin'rin said...

.. (AND I said it with a LISP!) :p

6:27 PM  
Blogger Vilaine said...

I, too, applaud quietly from New York.

Enjoy EspaƱa!

xxo, v.f.

7:09 PM  
Blogger Singin'rin said...

Thank you dear M! :) xoxo

1:44 PM  

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