Friday, June 25, 2010

L'Chaim (to life)

Before I left to restart my "world tour" I was a bit fearful, since I couldn't foresee any real downtime and my only chance to unpack my winter clothes and repack for the summer season, was some 4 short days at home in between shows, after three months away and before 2 upcoming ones.

What I didn't expect, was a decline in my health. Oh health...something we all take for granted, when we are blessed with it and are able to ignore.
Many of my issues derive from the high- stress, high- pressure state in which I live, and since I really haven't had the time to acknowledge any of it (or even get checked), like a tooth- decay untreated, all has worsened until I was actually forced to stop and pay attention.

Toronto, Berlin, Baden Baden, Tokyo and Stuttgart, dealing with much travel, criticism, high expectations,loneliness, no regular exercise, change of weather/ diet, crazy sleep pattern, and not enough of what I do need to survive well balanced, and my body was starting to collapse on me, working on "empty", trying to survive on the top of a fragile cracking base.
What was the last "straw" actually made me almost fear for my life; Four hours before my most recent premiere, feverish, and with extremely low blood pressure , I fainted on a random doctor's bed (I managed to get my self to one, across the street from where I temporarily live).
Aided by some Intravenous infusion, I somehow phoned the opera house ("hello?... I don't want to worry you.. but I am in no shape to even stand up straight...") only to find out that if I don't show up, they'd have to cancel the entire show. (No stand by, and not enough warning time to fly anybody from afar).
I finally got up,popped in a few fever reducing pills, drank an energy drink, and then I went on to sing the premiere with all the power I've got within.

Since then I actually had tests done and found the physical source for some of my symptoms, which I will now be able to manage with medication.

Maybe I take things too much to heart, I don't know. I am an artist. I should take things to "heart"- my one artistically most important "organ", shouldn't I, but then I get so personally hurt by a nobody blogger who calls me a "bad singer", or by an opera company who might pass me by if I am not to their casting director's liking. I get so sad when they "don't get me", especially because I do make all this exhausting effort only for the sake of this one thing I know how to do: sharing my silly singing and soul with you.
I hope to get stronger, tougher, and to learn how to ignore all the elements which weaken my spirit and body, and know that if I manage to live and to give - I've not only survived, but I've actually thrived.


Blogger Ben said...

Hey Rini!

I hope you are going to take a nice long holiday one of these days - you have certainly earned it. Thank you for your lovely down to earth blog (and for giving us all the inside scoop on the opera business :P). You are really doing an amazing job - I'm still questioning whether I will be able to handle this opera singer lifestyle... :| God bless! *hugs*

PS) I love your rendition of 'Voi che sapate' - I listen to it all the time on Youtube!

8:53 AM  
Blogger Good Chi said...

Best wises Rini, you know you are much loved.

Maybe the new iphone will give you some lift and rest?

9:24 AM  
Anonymous Jhibek said...

Just don't let yourself or anyone else bring you down...and focus on happy thoughts!))) You'll make it!)))

1:32 PM  
OpenID Rose DeVita said...

God bless you and may you recover and renew fully to enjoy all the talents He has showered you with.

I'm so sorry you are feeling down -know that you have thousands of supporters - don't allow one nasty person to overshadow them all. All you can do is your best which you do in spades!

Brava for pulling off that performance!


4:16 PM  
Blogger Andrew Richards said...

Thanks for sharing the struggles as well as the victories, Rini. I hope people understand it's not easy to do.

Your sacrifices make us richer.

7:06 AM  
Blogger Singin'rin said...

*Thank you* all, for all this great (and much appreciated) support!!! Thank you!

4:41 PM  
Blogger RivkA with a capital A said...

Thanks for visiting my blog!! How did you find it??

I look forward to hearing you sing Carmen in Tel Aviv!!

2:42 PM  
Blogger Singin'rin said...

Hi Rivka!
I was curious about publicity for that Carmen in the park event,(there's not too much of it), and by a chance found your blog.
I really hope that you like the show- should be fun! (I've never sung opera outdoors so it will be a new experience for me too)...
Looking forward! Lehitraot! :)

3:12 PM  

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