L'Chaim (to life)

Before I left to restart my "world tour" I was a bit fearful, since I couldn't foresee any real downtime and my only chance to unpack my winter clothes and repack for the summer season, was some 4 short days at home in between shows, after three months away and before 2 upcoming ones.

What I didn't expect, was a decline in my health. Oh health...something we all take for granted, when we are blessed with it and are able to ignore.
Many of my issues derive from the high- stress, high- pressure state in which I live, and since I really haven't had the time to acknowledge any of it (or even get checked), like a tooth- decay untreated, all has worsened until I was actually forced to stop and pay attention.

Toronto, Berlin, Baden Baden, Tokyo and Stuttgart, dealing with much travel, criticism, high expectations,loneliness, no regular exercise, change of weather/ diet, crazy sleep pattern, and not enough of what I do need to survive well balanced, and my body was starting to collapse on me, working on "empty", trying to survive on the top of a fragile cracking base.
What was the last "straw" actually made me almost fear for my life; Four hours before my most recent premiere, feverish, and with extremely low blood pressure , I fainted on a random doctor's bed (I managed to get my self to one, across the street from where I temporarily live).
Aided by some Intravenous infusion, I somehow phoned the opera house ("hello?... I don't want to worry you.. but I am in no shape to even stand up straight...") only to find out that if I don't show up, they'd have to cancel the entire show. (No stand by, and not enough warning time to fly anybody from afar).
I finally got up,popped in a few fever reducing pills, drank an energy drink, and then I went on to sing the premiere with all the power I've got within.

Since then I actually had tests done and found the physical source for some of my symptoms, which I will now be able to manage with medication.

Maybe I take things too much to heart, I don't know. I am an artist. I should take things to "heart"- my one artistically most important "organ", shouldn't I, but then I get so personally hurt by a nobody blogger who calls me a "bad singer", or by an opera company who might pass me by if I am not to their casting director's liking. I get so sad when they "don't get me", especially because I do make all this exhausting effort only for the sake of this one thing I know how to do: sharing my silly singing and soul with you.
I hope to get stronger, tougher, and to learn how to ignore all the elements which weaken my spirit and body, and know that if I manage to live and to give - I've not only survived, but I've actually thrived.