Friday, June 25, 2010

L'Chaim (to life)

Before I left to restart my "world tour" I was a bit fearful, since I couldn't foresee any real downtime and my only chance to unpack my winter clothes and repack for the summer season, was some 4 short days at home in between shows, after three months away and before 2 upcoming ones.

What I didn't expect, was a decline in my health. Oh health...something we all take for granted, when we are blessed with it and are able to ignore.
Many of my issues derive from the high- stress, high- pressure state in which I live, and since I really haven't had the time to acknowledge any of it (or even get checked), like a tooth- decay untreated, all has worsened until I was actually forced to stop and pay attention.

Toronto, Berlin, Baden Baden, Tokyo and Stuttgart, dealing with much travel, criticism, high expectations,loneliness, no regular exercise, change of weather/ diet, crazy sleep pattern, and not enough of what I do need to survive well balanced, and my body was starting to collapse on me, working on "empty", trying to survive on the top of a fragile cracking base.
What was the last "straw" actually made me almost fear for my life; Four hours before my most recent premiere, feverish, and with extremely low blood pressure , I fainted on a random doctor's bed (I managed to get my self to one, across the street from where I temporarily live).
Aided by some Intravenous infusion, I somehow phoned the opera house ("hello?... I don't want to worry you.. but I am in no shape to even stand up straight...") only to find out that if I don't show up, they'd have to cancel the entire show. (No stand by, and not enough warning time to fly anybody from afar).
I finally got up,popped in a few fever reducing pills, drank an energy drink, and then I went on to sing the premiere with all the power I've got within.

Since then I actually had tests done and found the physical source for some of my symptoms, which I will now be able to manage with medication.

Maybe I take things too much to heart, I don't know. I am an artist. I should take things to "heart"- my one artistically most important "organ", shouldn't I, but then I get so personally hurt by a nobody blogger who calls me a "bad singer", or by an opera company who might pass me by if I am not to their casting director's liking. I get so sad when they "don't get me", especially because I do make all this exhausting effort only for the sake of this one thing I know how to do: sharing my silly singing and soul with you.
I hope to get stronger, tougher, and to learn how to ignore all the elements which weaken my spirit and body, and know that if I manage to live and to give - I've not only survived, but I've actually thrived.

8 Comments:

Blogger Ben said...

Hey Rini!

I hope you are going to take a nice long holiday one of these days - you have certainly earned it. Thank you for your lovely down to earth blog (and for giving us all the inside scoop on the opera business :P). You are really doing an amazing job - I'm still questioning whether I will be able to handle this opera singer lifestyle... :| God bless! *hugs*

PS) I love your rendition of 'Voi che sapate' - I listen to it all the time on Youtube!

8:53 AM  
Blogger Good Chi said...

Best wises Rini, you know you are much loved.

Maybe the new iphone will give you some lift and rest?

9:24 AM  
Anonymous Jhibek said...

Just don't let yourself or anyone else bring you down...and focus on happy thoughts!))) You'll make it!)))

1:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

God bless you and may you recover and renew fully to enjoy all the talents He has showered you with.

I'm so sorry you are feeling down -know that you have thousands of supporters - don't allow one nasty person to overshadow them all. All you can do is your best which you do in spades!

Brava for pulling off that performance!

Rose

4:16 PM  
Blogger Opera Rocks said...

Thanks for sharing the struggles as well as the victories, Rini. I hope people understand it's not easy to do.

Your sacrifices make us richer.

7:06 AM  
Blogger Singin'rin said...

*Thank you* all, for all this great (and much appreciated) support!!! Thank you!

4:41 PM  
Blogger RivkA with a capital A said...

Thanks for visiting my blog!! How did you find it??

I look forward to hearing you sing Carmen in Tel Aviv!!

2:42 PM  
Blogger Singin'rin said...

Hi Rivka!
I was curious about publicity for that Carmen in the park event,(there's not too much of it), and by a chance found your blog.
I really hope that you like the show- should be fun! (I've never sung opera outdoors so it will be a new experience for me too)...
Looking forward! Lehitraot! :)

3:12 PM  

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