Saturday, October 07, 2006

More to know

Even though my last 2 shows went well, I found that I am still in hyper-sensitive mode.

This morning I warmed up, dressed up and went to the theatre early, to warm up some more. It's a matinee and that means that I need an extra special stretching of the voice to make it work well.

Passing by Whole Foods to get a cup of coffee and a treat: a regular, (not a "non fat" muffin as I usually get if I do at all),
I learnt that a) Whole Foods doesn't carry sweeteners ("No artificial stuff here, ma'am") for my coffee, b) The muffin I chose (I didn't read it's label) was nothing to be happy about: It was a blueberry *corn* muffin, not what I wanted to sink my teeth into at all. I HATE corn muffins. I don't even like blueberries that much.

Tears started to form in my eyes and soon enough, I was walking with my sour coffee and fattening yucky muffin towards the theatre, thinking: I am CRYING because of a muffin. I must not be well.
I know why I am in such a state: I let people (and the wrong ones) get to me. After my last show ( initially feeling pretty cheerful ), I made the mistake of going out for a bite with a dry person who is not from within the business, somebody who doesn't know (as most people don't ) that since you just sang for the past 4 hours, and prepared for those for so many days, months, giving, giving, and giving some more, "you must be so tired", Even more so my friend: right now, I am peeled off, naked, bleeding, raw. (Please know: if your words happen to be the first ones to hit a bowing performer: Only compliments or white lies please, we are begging of you. Nothing else for a while).
That person, that other night, was very critical and negative about the production; Negative and critical about my colleagues and only a bit kinder, (thank God for politeness) about me (..."And, you also looked fat in that costume").

Rule for self: Go home alone and get re-shielded.
I was thinking about it in my dressing room today: That's how Juan Diego is. That's how Erwin is, and the rest of my friends who manage to live this crazy life so well; they've got some damn thick skin protecting the soft baby seed of their soul.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

dearest rini,

some people are just bluntly stupid and others don't even know what they are talking about and sometimes, to pretend that they know, they have to be critical, so that they think that you will believe that they know what they are talking about!!!! ahahahaha, did you get my point??? So I say, yes, let what they say drip down your shoulders like water. What really matters is how you feel about your performance and also that you always be true to the music. The rest does not count. And you are a true artist with integrity...By the way I saw Carignani yesterday (he is conducting Butterfly here) and we talked about you and he said you are the best Carmen he has ssen or heard in the past few years. And he sends his regards! I am off to work, so a big hug from this side of the ocean. love, SPERANZA

9:47 AM  
Blogger Petie said...

Hi Speranza, see you in Rome I hope, I'm coming over to see Rini's opening night

7:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"baby seed of their soul."

Oh god how true. I just found your blog and you write so nicely and with authenticity. It's comforting. Thank you.

2:06 PM  
Anonymous vilaine fille said...

Belated best wishes for a happy, happy birthday and new year, ma belle.

11:41 PM  
Blogger Singin'rin said...

Grazie mille, cherie! :) (and welcome back!)

4:54 PM  

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