midwinter dream

Redoing a production; you took part in its very creation...
How strange, how strange. Trying to clone yourself. May I try to explain? ... The first time I did this Nozze, we actually rehearsed it in tiny little nuanced details for over a month. Daily, we were working together to build it from the very scratch of our... how shall I say it; soul? artistry?. Then we performed it for another month and let it grow. You see: We gave birth to it, we raised it, and at the very end we buried it. That's the cruelty of art. Then two years have gone by.
The memory has become as faint as the scent of a dream.... But having to recreate that dream... It's like having a flashback of your subconscious memories. Such weak signal in your brain, it is more like a deja-vu of a deja-vu. You know you've been there, maybe, but you just can't really be all that clear on where, who, how.
The other day I had my costume fitting and everything came on right, except, judging by the objective measure of the tailored material, my body has changed. I am not fatter nor skinnier, just different.
In rehearsal, I find my self walking similar steps, and even though I am saying the same words, ( the written word and note, the only thing that hasn't changed), I say it not like I used to, I address it to similar people, but not the same people. None of us is who we were. including me.
How strange. how strange indeed.