Thursday, September 24, 2009

Diva fit

Remember this childhood dream?: You are in the middle of a huge crowd. They are all staring at you. The reason: you are butt-naked. You are naked, fat, and your things dangle, and they all point at you and laugh.
I haven't had that dream for years, but it actually happened to me , sort of, the other day.

A couple of weeks ago, when I was able to try my costumes for the first time, I had a big concern, (which of course I expressed to the costume department); All of my dresses (and there are plenty.. many more than the usual 3 or 4 changes), were designed for a completely different kind of body. For starters, all of them are made of stretchy, clingy material that grabs and holds to your skin.

Having been a teenager of 86 kilos, materials such as these, find no hardship in grabbing all they can on me.
As opposed to a skinny-girl gone fat, Fat girl gone- skinnier will always retain some schnitzel somewhere on her body, no matter how much cardio she might do (well, at least this is true in my case),
So, having dress after dress hug the flabby points of my body (which normally I know exactly how to hide), was already raising a big red flag.

But I do put my trust in opera house tailors- They all have years of experience under their belt. So for the next time, I was pretty hopeful to have a wonderful costume adjustment.

But when I stepped into my first dress; The one in which I have to make my big entrance, and sing the Habanera , (and in it I immediately transform from Rini to Carmen, feeling fierce and sexy) , looking in the full-length mirror in my dressing room, all I could see was a frumpy , dumpy, short and fat woman staring at me with horror in her eyes.

I tried really hard to hold my tears, and somehow managed, being rushed onto stage , where the show already has begun.

I made my entrance and started singing the first line. But instead of feeling like the desirable, beautiful woman, the object of all women's envy and all men's desire, I instantly turned into that fat naked girl, and everybody- the chorus, the soloists, the people watching me from the house, were pointing at me and laughing.

I was literally choking on my vocal lines and was planted into the stage in a catatonic state. That's at least how it all felt to me.

At the end of my scene which I just somehow did on "automatic", I ran back to my dressing room, and cried:
" I can't".

They all (feeling sorry and largely apologetic) had to agree with me, and the General Director of the house came by and asked that I should wear whatever would make me feel, and be my best . This was not only a kind allowance but also a smart, invested one.

The following day was my only (and final) dress rehearsal. In the morning I arrived at the costume department and we went through several different dresses and shoes that were similar to the original costume, but had a much better outcome. We eventually found a few perfect pieces, that got me safely onto stage, back with the "oomph" , and the security that clothes do give me, being the center of a large clothed crowd.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Prima la prima

I have been pretty content here; Rehearsals have been lovely. Even though this is a returning production (and not a new one, as I thought before), the girl who is remounting it is a talented director with whom I have worked in the past (on Pelleas et Melisande in Berlin), so it was nice to meet again. And since this is (German, couldn't be else)- modern production, I find that in fact those "modern" ones actually tend to fit me much better.

Set in an intimate space (currently, it is a living room- a rug, a sofa, a grand piano. pretty classy), I feel that I can actually do much more straight theater and be *seen* and ahm- noticed (as oppose to being swallowed by an ocean of grand sets and choruses and extras and animals, with tons of props and different surfaces and flamenco skirts and what not).

Where all I have is a sofa and a Don Jose, the energy naturally flies between us with no artificial obstacles, and bounces off to the audience, no other distraction... which I love, especially when there's a good rapport between us.

Opening night is about to happen here. Unfortunately I will not get to be on stage for it , because it will be sung by a wonderful artist I respect and admire, (however-) not quite the one who has been rehearsing with my cast for 3 weeks. (me). But it's OK.
I am still genuinely very excited to get another shot at anther angle of the heroine in me, even if I'm not the prima donna.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Follow the (damn) (yellow, brown, whatever) brick road

I have this eternal problem of what to wear. Thing is- when I am on a gig, I can't show up with JUST rehearsal clothes... Heck, I can't even arrive to rehearsal with "rehearsal clothes", I need to "represent" my self well. This means that the only shoes that don't give me backache- my sneakers, are not anything I want to be seen in. Ever.
So all the shoes I brought with me , are all heels. Boots and shoes- heels heels heels.
If you ever been to Cologne, you probably noticed that most of the side walks are built of little (impossible to walk on with heels) bricks. (But you probably were a tourist, and didn't need to think to yourself: "I need to look representable.". You were just wearing your ugly sneakers and not giving a flying frog that you are looking like an American tourist, and you were zooming around town feeling fabulous anyway).
But you see- *I* can't do that. I need to walk on my heels and slip fall and ache all the way to the theater and back, because I simply don't look good in flats. That's all I have to say.
In my rented apartment in Cologne, there is a corner where I found 3 big crystal rocks, resting by the window. I naturally gravitate towards that corner of the room , even though sitting at the chair which is there, by the little table, is most uncomfortable.
Still, I find myself again and again siting on that uncomfortable chair, by that window with the three crystals.
I arranged a beautiful wooden bowl with fruit of the season, which I put on the table, by the chair , by the window with the crystals.
There I sit and carefully chose from my bowl of fruit of the season, which will be eaten, and with how much pleasure.

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

click your (stiletto) heels 3 times. (now start prancing around)

What is it with my "luck"? .. Why is it that where EVER I go in the world, there's ALWAYS a bimbo with high heels living just above me and waking up at 7 AM (in her heels) ?

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

why fhy

I am in Cologne, and after quite a tiring first day here, I am starting to feel much better.
My first and outmost urgent mission when getting to a new place, is to nest and nest well. For that I need a few basic things: First one and above all, is an Internet connection.
If you don't do something similar to what I do for a living, you probably don't quite understand that sick obsession and deeply rooted need to be so connected, but I promise you- Internet in a foreign place is like what my orthopedic insoles are to my lower back pain: salvation.
Upon arrival at my new apartment here, I already knew that there was no phone line here therefore no DSL, but I was hoping for an unlocked kind neighbor's, or some kind of a lifeline, maybe a T-mobil hotspot.. something...
But as it seems to be here- no German is a fool (as apparently they can get jailed for their hacker's surfing habits); There are literally dozens of WiFi signals here- all *locked*!
I actually spent some desperate time trying to knock on my neighbor's doors to ask for their password (nobody was home), and then proceeded to try and *guess* them. LoL.
The apartment was nice but empty. The TV spoke German which I was way too tired to try to understand, the fridge was plastic cold empty shelves, and the shower was soapless.
I put my things down and since it was a Sunday, I like the rest of Europe, was put on a hold. No supermarkets open, no dealing with Internet connection possibilities. I *had* to wait.
At least Monday was a sunny day, the cell company O2 got me on a portable USB stick which gives me WiFi wherever (What a fabulous solution!), I got a huge first shopping done (ground coffee, bananas, ricecakes, olive oil, and some other eclectic products that make no one decent meal at any point, but still fill up that un-lived-in-place feel).
We even covered more or less the entire first act and I still have the feeling that I am going to like being here for the next two months.

Saturday, September 05, 2009

Happy season

I am excited today, as I am flying to Cologne this afternoon, to start rehearsing for a production of Carmen. I visited the director's website , and it is looking like his work might be right up my alley. (and more so, my friends who have worked with him all love his ideas and his style).
So happy just to be starting my season. Work again! Sing! Good bye New York City for a little while, time to Deutch Spechen again :)