Saturday, September 30, 2006

Cancelled

Some meany up there decided to twist my arm until I am on the ground, in pain, crying, bagging him to stop. But he just wouldn't , until I cancelled my show.
I woke up this morning vomiting (and all else), and with nausea since 7 am. Some stomach virus my husband had a week ago.. And today it's mine. TODAY! My show day.
I fought with it the entire day. vocalized, tried to eat (but only managed to bite on a quarter of a toast and some egg white) and drank as much water as I could. By 2PM I convinced my self that I was fine, but every 15 minutes there was another wave of nausea which made me fall flat on the bed having to rest.
Of course, first thing in the morning I called the opera house and warned them so that they can let my cover know about the situation. But I left my self some more hours to make a decision.
By 4:30 PM, I wasn't feeling nauseous anymore, but I tried to run from one corner of the living room to another, just to see if I can make it on stage, and I just felt like a sleepless zombie, having to lay down again. I guess I can shove a cold aside and still do it somehow, but with nausea I just can't win.
called manager, voice teacher and a colleague I trust. All said: "Cancel". ( what if I faint on stage and break a bone. What if I sing/ act less than fantastic. As I have learnt pretty recently, THAT I can not afford).
Husband was trying to tell me that since 7 AM. I am thinking about the music I will miss, the stage, the bunch of friends who are coming especially to hear me, the audience, my colleagues, the money that I truly need thank you very much, (we rehearse for free, we get paid per show), and of course, the chance that someone helpful for my career might actually be there tonight.
But I had to cancel. And so I did. I can't even describe in words how hard this is for me. But this is it. My very first cancellation,ever. It is 4:46 PM, and lying here on my fluffy light blue bed, under the comforter (yea, right, such "comfort" alright...) I feel like I still could have gone and made it fine. I hope the hand of fate is freaking happy now. (and lately all I've been getting was THE FINGER!) There. I cancelled. Now let me go on with MY plan please!

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Best Chocolate (almost) ever!!!

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Towards what it is about

What I recieved in the form of a comment on the post bellow, which moved me so much, and untied the knot in my spirit, and handed me the reminder of the reason of my soul.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Post thoughts and lessons

OK. What have I learnt?
I got (lightly) canned by some out of some critics. (2 of them came to the second show, where I didn't even get an announcement.) they didn't quite get me. But would *I* get me under the circumstances? mmm.. Not knowing the deal behind the scenes, I am actually not sure my self.
I know the truth: I was sick. Sick as a dog for the opening, sick as a cat for the second show, and starting to emerge on the 3rd, but not at all there yet.
How did the audience feel? hell who knows; They clapped and cheered like they always do, for my Carmen, for ANY Carmen... Here is the big question: Would it have been better if I'd cancelled? Canceling is way against my will. I just can't fathom the thought. Over all I think the answer might be,maybe, yes. it *might* have been better for my career, tactically. But hell, not for my own damn satisfaction. I am one bitterly proud case. So there. I'll quitt boring you or myself right now. NNNext.

Monday, September 18, 2006

The New York Sun-rise

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart to one darling darling (and always fair) Jay Nordlinger from the New York Sun for expressing another written opinion out there. And this one made me chirp happily the entire day.
( and here's a kiss coming at your direction: :* )

Saturday, September 16, 2006

"But DO change a hair for me..."

To whomever saw me in show # 1 or #2: By number 3 I felt almost, almost not sick anymore, (still coughing lots therefore not-so-good cords, sorry ya'll), but thank you thank you thank you Lordy: (well, thank to the combined power of heavens, great caring manager, bad press and some good common sense): I got back a beautiful full head of my own (dark) hair plus a few smashing extensions, and my costume got slightly adjusted so you can see some Carmen skin. (and not a dumpy short little red headed artichoke). Now we're talking. (or at least singing). PS Yo Midge, thanks for the (twisted) tip.
Well done and bravissimo to the house and to Suzy the wig mistress (however pissed off whomever might be), who had to be flexible and allow that change. But after all, we all have to be flexible from time to time, and we all know deep in or heart that the art of opera should be a flexible, living breathing form, and only when that's allowed, can one actually learn to love it.

Cinema Paradiso

OK.. Hubbs surprised me with a purchase I actually really like:
He got us a projector that plays DVD's on a huge bare chunk of our wall, unbelievably sharp quality (actually much better than any big screen TV) and so we had a "movie night" last night, (works grrrrreat with the surround sound sys), we saw 2 movies we enjoyed: "The producers" (well done, Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick!) and "The Man"; the funniest combo of a pair: Samuel Jackson and the beloved Eugene Levi. Pretty funny stuff, and it put me in a slightly better mood.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

On the positive side:

* My husband perfected his culinary skills on my behalf, specializing in proteine and veggie (extremely yummy!) meals.
*I've been taking voice lessons regularly, and one every day prior to a show, and I feel that due to having to be cautious, I actually improved a lot. Surviving an entire show of Carmen (fainted and ill) was mainly because of a careful, learnt technique.
* I lost a few pounds, and I fit into my "skinny jeans" again, yay!

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

No salvation (yet) (don't bother reading; rant 4self)

It's been nine days since I developed this cold. I've been home the entire time, other than the doctor visits and the dress rehearsal/ show I had to do. Been good, eating up nasty harsh meds (very much against my belief, by the way!), staying in bed, vocalizing lightly , drinking lots of water and tea, and all that sheisse. I 'flunked' the freaking paper, I was too sick and so I couldn't save the production or my own self. I lost.
( You see: all of these past events make me so damn negative in my head, angry, helpless).
My antibiotics didn't seem to help entirely; I now (other than coughing yellow gunk) have an ear congestion, it seems, and my left ear is acting weird; I hear not all that well and I am really, really bothered. ( have you ever seen a puppy wearing a lamp shade around its head to keep the ears growing straight, and how bothered the poor pup is?.. Yup.. I know just how they feel!).
I just want to get RID of it! Can I stick a candle and light it up? Can I spray nose spray and blow with a hairdryer? Can I just chop it off???!!! And I just can't bare the thought of going to the doctor once MORE and stocking up on even more pills... Another whole big show tomorrow
Think positive, think positive...

Monday, September 11, 2006

From the New York Times: poop

Anne Midgette, the New York Times reviewer, hated the production, although it is the same old production she probably has seen or maybe even reviewed a few times before...Same old staging, same old traditional costumes and wigs. (Which were refused to be changed or adjusted for ANY individual in the past or present time, by the way).
She also couldn't find a nice bone in her body to help her credit my stage Carmen with anything good at all, but maybe the benefit of the doubt, since there HAS been an announcement for my illness, and (luckily) there was a short film shown beforehand featuring previously- healthy- moi in a rehearsal. Ms. Midgettte was kind enough to mention that I looked and sounded better (and more natural) in that rehearsal. She's got a point, (They usually do) but she obviously (didn't read my previous blog entry or) had any understanding of the immense effort I have made to produce a decent show. .. So I am gloomy. (and coughing).
:{

Sunday, September 10, 2006

From hell with love

Saturday came; In the morning I woke up inflamed and coughing yellow gunk out of my lungs. Not good. I started gently to warm my voice. Singing on MMM, just exploring the togetherness of the cords. So far it was well, but after an hour and a half of light warm ups, my voice still was only quarter the volume, my left ear was plugged, and I just was weak and desperate.
I called Dr. Kessler and he agreed to see me (on the weekend!) an hour later.
At the office, he thought that on the top of everything else, I got water in my ear, I got (from the previous antibiotics) yeast infection of the mouth, and so he prescribed some other meds beside what I was already taking , PLUS the magic shot: the one nobody talks about: cortisone. That's the same as the steroids sports people take before a big race, get caught and dismissed. It's the drug that will "undo" anything bad in your system; Only for a short while. After that you might be in more of a shit, but for an emergency, singers who are determined as I am; you bet ya, they go for it! Yup. I've been working my ass way to hard, I've sung 3 different roles here so I can get to do this one: The Jewell in the crown, My favorite. City Opera called 4 times to ask if I was canceling. " Only DEATH would make me cancel" I promised. So.. Luckily I didn't die... I got the shot. I fainted, but I didn't die.
I paced my self pretty carefully throughout the show, giving less where I didn't have to be loud, Dancing and running less, being a bit more ..hmm.. "Elegant" Carmen let's say :). Steamed in between each number, Drank my water, gargled, ate power bars, apples, did everything within my strength to keep going. But in the middle of act one, I was already feeling wasted. Sweaty and chilly, and my low notes were starting to go... All I needed was to go through act 2 well; That's the hardest bit of the entire opera. For the entire act I am on; dancing , fighting, being loud, being furious, being wild. (All while singing of course..). My dear manager, voice teacher,and husband have been calling me in between every act "You are doing great!!" "keep it on!" Cheering me up, pushing me to go on.
I managed. I went through all of it. To the end. Thank God. It's over. I did it. Now I got 4 days to get better until the next one.
I thank all who were involved in helping me, to go through this. Woah.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

ok, ok, nevermind the review...

Just give me back my health, please.
We went to see this beautiful movie "Little miss sunshine" on Monday , 7:50 PM showing.
By 10:30 PM I was feeling sick; Red throat, runny nose. By midnight I was starting to freak out, and from then till about 7 AM I was awake, feeling like shit, and panicking about the dress rehearsal which I absolutely HAVE to do since it's the only time, first and last, we get on stage, with the set, costumes etc.
By 4 PM on Tuesday, my manager got me an appointment with the established Dr. Kessler on West 67th street. (Fabulous New York; Where else would you step into a doctor's office where all the walls are covered with signed thank you CD's by Mariah Carey , Lisa Minelli, Jessica Simpson, and 2000 other very famous pop and opera stars...).
I got a sinus infection. Cords are alright, but I need to drain all the stuff before it hits the cords and chest, and get strong for Saturday. (I usually don't rush to the doctor and I hate taking pills (other than my natural Ying Chiao), but when it's only 3 days away from opening night, I will take any measures to ensure my ability to perform!)
By 5:15 I was sitting in the makeup chair getting my makeup and wig, and by 7 we started the rehearsal. Me: sweaty and fainted, lipsinking to the singing of the second cast Carmen, (which was truly beautiful, talented,flawless singing; the kind that frankly, wouldn't really cheer one up , when one's so down and unable...), but I passed that too. Now I am in bed. Till Saturday.

Saturday, September 02, 2006

Reviews

As we get closer to opening night, I can't help but wonder which critic from the New York Times is going to grace one of my performances with a review, and what are the possibilities. Only recently I caught a Carmen review which was given to a young "up-and-coming" Carmen who jumped in at the MET and was brutally chewed and spat out in the precious ARTS section two days later.
I have many, (in fact, come to think about it, most of my) colleagues who prefer not to read the reviews at all. Me, on the other hand, I am a review-savvy and I always like to search for them and find them, and against my will, I still treat them like my returned test scores. Silly to feel that way (especially when the "teacher" who's giving the "score" is not necessarily one who *should* be appointed as a "teacher" if you know what I mean) But at any rate, I still like to read them, and believe them, and learn from them if I can. After all, it IS someone's frank opinion, and I am open to hear it.
So far , thank heaven, most of my Carmen reviews were unbelievably good, but again, I have never sung this role in New York City, where everybody's so critical, jaded, bored and bitterly opinionated. Passing this one with my usual A+ would be a grand miracle, but I am not short of hopes.
{ PS Dear God, you know I am a good person; I swipe the poor in with my unlimited Metrocard, I smile at old sad people and sometimes make them forget their gloom for a moment, I don't throw diva fits, I am a lovable, justice loving Libra. I am loyal, faithful and generally kind. I am nice to all my colleagues and I don't intentionally hurt anybody. I try to work on my craft, I take voice lessons, I try to get better. Bla bla bla, I don't need to tell you all this, do I.
Now, listen ; (By the way, You *Know* that I don't do all of this for any good-Karma-in-return reasons, but if I did get some good stuff in return anyways, that would be such a nice thing... ) So: you *know* what I want, and you certainly *know*, that a nice, I mean a REALLY nice review in the NY Times (and elsewhere too if possible...) would be pretty helpful to me at this stage of my career. I understand It won't change my life all that much, but it will truly cheer me up. Yup.
Thank you for reading my Blog, and thank you again in advance for any future printed kind words. Yours, RS} :)